With My Apologies

Let me start by saying how sorry I am that I have been MIA from this blog for two entire months but in my defense, what a whirlwind the last two months have been!

As anyone who has been following this blog knows, my son left for BCT (basic combat training) on July 27. He was scheduled to graduate from his OSUT (one stop unit training) on December 17. However, things have changed. Dramatically!

Blaine just recently spent 30 days at home. Why, you ask? Oh, let me tell you...

With just 12 days of BCT remaining, Blaine suffered a pretty severe injury to his ankle during a hand-to-hand training exercise. He wasn't fully off the ground when one of the guys in his platoon took him down to the ground, dislocating his ankle. He called from the ER to try to tell me what was going on. I thought he was sick but he was in a tremendous amount of pain. Now, I've never been faced with my child being deployed or injured abroad but at that moment, he could have been stationed on the moon. My hands were tied, there was nothing I could do except talk on the phone to try to get all the details I could get. I heard surgery. Oh no. The tendons in his ankle were torn and a piece of soft tissue had gotten into the socket and they were unable to put the ankle back in place without surgery. "Mom, can you come?" That's what Blaine wanted to know. When the nurse took the phone and explained what was happening, she asked if I was coming to the hospital. I explained to her that I lived several hundred miles away and that it would take some effort but I would be on the next possible flight if she thought I should. She suggested that I wait and see how he felt the next day before making any plans.

Blaine was in surgery for nearly 3 hours. The doctor called to let me know what was happening and he suggested that I not make any travel plans. Said it might not be a good thing for me to run out there, let him tough it out...I agreed to stay put. Now, I felt like the worst mother in the world. I would never, for a second, think of not being by his side if this had happened here. I didn't think he should go through this alone, but I stayed put. Everybody said to let him be a man, let him grow up...I don't care how old you are, you still need your mom in certain situations!

When I talked to him the next day, he sounded much better. He told me not to worry about coming out, he was going to be fine. He told me how disappointed he was that this happend when it did (if there would ever be a convenient time for something like this to happen!). He was supposed to get his beret on Thursday of that week. And oh yeah, "we were going to throw hand grenades today!" I suggested to him that maybe there was a reason he wasn't supposed to be throwing hand grenades on that particular day.

We were told that they had to wait for the swelling to go down so that they could get him in a cast and he should be home by the weekend. Well, on Friday, they took more x-rays just to see how things were progressing and it was not good. The ankle was not staying together properly and they also found a fracture in his leg that they had missed the first time around. They scheduled him for surgery first thing Saturday morning so that they could put two screws into his ankle to hold it in place while the tendons healed.

Blaine spent nearly two weeks in the hospital. He could hobble around the hospital on his crutches, but it wasn't the same as being with his buddies. There was a girl from his platoon in the hospital at the same time with a hip fracture. They spent some time going back and forth to keep the other company.

I offered to come out, he said no. I offered to send him a care package and he said no. I offered almost every day and he just kept telling me that he would wait until he got home. His spirits just got worse and worse. He would be in the most foul moods, almost brooding. I knew what he needed. He needed a care package! Unfortunately, I waited way too long to send it!

Just the anticipation of the arrival of that package changed his mood. We spent a lot of time texting. I sent him a message, asking if he'd gotten any mail that day. He asked me why. I told him he should be getting something. He asked me what. I told him it was a surprise. He asked me what it was. I told him he'd have to wait. He said ok....followed by what is it? This went on and on for several hours until the package arrived. That is a story in itself and the man in the mail room at General Leonard Wood Community Hospital is an absolute saint!

Anyway, once he got the package, he said it was like Christmas morning! It was close to Halloween so I put in some Halloween candy, some orange and black M&M's, a bag of Reese's mini's (Blaine's favorite), a few buckeyes, a few magazines, a deck of cards and a bag of Army men. Along with it, a note that read:

"If you can't play Army with the big boys, at least you can play Army with these guys."

He left for home shortly after he had gotten his goodies and he was kind enough to share his candy with other soldiers and the nurses. He even taught the nurses about "Buckeyes." Seems that those are a regional thing, they'd never heard of them and he told them how to make them. I'm sure that was tough having all that attention from those pretty nurses!

I finally saw Blaine on October 18, the first time since I watched him board his plane at the end of July. That three months seemed like an eternity. The first thing I noticed was that he was so skinny! Blaine always had a little pudge around the belly, even though he wasn't really heavy but it was all gone now. He always wore that military hair cut, so that wasn't a real shock. But it was nice to just wrap my arms around him and get that big hug!

I walked by the recliner one day while he had his foot all propped up and noticed that his incisions were looking little dry and maybe pulling a little. I went looking for some Neosporin and was told that he didn't want it because he "wanted some really cool scars." Obviously, he's dealing well with all of this! You know what they say, scars make really cool stories!

If I learned anything from this whole experience it would be that if, heaven forbid, anything ever happened again, I will not listen to anyone else. I will not wait to go to my son, to send him a package of goodies, to do whatever I have to do to be there for him.

Thirty days goes by very quickly. I knew that he would be leaving soon but I also knew that he would be coming home again very quickly as he is nowhere near healed. He will be flying home on November 20, I assume, for another thirty day period. He will be home for Thanksgiving. We will make sure to enjoy every moment we have.

The whole experience has made me think. It's made me think about what a parent goes through when their child is injured, or worse, on foreign soil. For that matter, on American soil, as we witnessed just days ago. It's made me think about those families that are apart for not only during the holidays but on birthdays, weddings or even the birth of their own child.

It's made me think about what these men and women give up for us every day. The very fact that they put their lives on the line day in and day out for all of us is an idea so out of my realm of thinking. I mean, come on, who am I to them?

Every person who enters the military does so for their own reasons. Maybe its a long-standing family tradition. Maybe its to honor the memory of someone they love. Maybe its just because there aren't enough jobs out there right now or insurance benefits and they can't afford not to join. Whatever the reason, the result is the same. Some of these soldiers will be changed forever. Some of these soldiers will lose their lives. But its all for us and I can only hope that America never forgets that.

Have I told you lately how proud I am of my soldier?

Remembering

9/11

Just how powerful can three numbers be? The mere mention of 9/11 floods us all with memories. Can it really have been eight years ago? It seems like it is much fresher than that. The details are still vivid. The memories of that day will haunt most of us for the rest of our lives.

I remember the day vividly. I was working, my kids were in school and my husband was at home. So close, but so far away from each other. The internet was bogged down, you could not access any news sites! I was in a panic! My family was spread out and our world as we know it, was under attack. The news reports were starting to trickle in, it was hard to sort the truth from the rumors. Hundreds of people were gone....there was no rumor to that. Policemen, firemen, secretaries, children. It didn't matter who you were, they didn't discriminate. They didn't care. The recordings left on answering machines saying good-bye to loved ones. The calls home from the men and women on Flight 93. How much more could we take? The images, the video, the voices, the faces. Those will all be with me the rest of my life.

I called the school to find out what our kids knew. Blaine was only 10, he was in elementary school. They hadn't been told anything. My daughter was in 8th grade, they were watching the news in their classrooms. At the urging of the school, I didn't go to pick them up, however that went against every fiber of my being. When I did get home, John was at work. The kids and I sat on the bed close together and watched the news, over and over and over. I could not believe what I was seeing. It was surreal to say the least.

I remember my grandmother telling me that she'd never thought she'd live to see anything worse than Pearl Harbor. She said no one should have to live through two of those!

The skies were quiet. Where we usually have a lot of air traffic, there was none. No vapor trails, no sounds of jets. Just eerie quiet.

We all knew that war was imminent. Even those that are so against the idea of war couldn't have felt as strongly after what they had witnessed, could they?

I guess I thought that it would be quick. Like the Gulf War - we go in, we get out. No such luck. Eight years later we are still waging war. Now I am faced with the fact that my son may be part of this war. It's something I try to keep out of my every day thinking, but it's there, nagging at me. What if? I just can't think about it.

The only justification I have is to remind myself what a sacrifice each and every one of these young men and women make when they join our military forces. A responsibility to each and every one of us to keep us safe, to keep us free and to keep something like this from happening again. Our kids are taking care of us. The roles have been reversed.

Today is a somber day of remembrance. A day for us to look around at all that we hold dear. In my opinion, we need to take this day and make sure that each and every person who means anything to us knows it.

Have I told you how proud I am of my soldier?

Incoming Call...

It was Sunday...phone was charged and ready to go. We went to the Cleveland National Air Show which was a whole experience in and of itself. However, it was Sunday and I had already missed a call from my soldier last week. It wasn't going to happen again.

Although the air show headliners are primarily Navy or Air Force planes, the Army still has a strong presence. We set out to find them. I've been searching for an "Army Mom" t-shirt or sweatshirt, but hadn't found anything I liked. We did see a long line of people standing under a goarmy.com canopy where they were making dog tags. I know why they do this. They want to get your information so that they can try to recruit you. However, both John and I are over the age of 41 - too old by Army standards, so when I got up there, I asked the nice PFC if he would be willing to put the name of my son on a set of dog tags for me. With a wink and a smile, he did. And I love it!!! How you could adore a simple piece of stamped metal with a beaded chain is beyond me, but I do. No t-shirts, though.

John, being the over-grown kid that he is took on the challenge of the rock wall at the next goarmy.com canopy. Of course, it was a girl that was challenging him, how could he say no? He wasn't going to be outdone by a girl!!! He held on to beat her to the top and he got a t-shirt with the "Soldier's Creed" printed on it. But no Army mom t-shirts...

We checked out the other booths, some of the static aircraft displays and then returned to our seats to watch the rest of the airshow. John is not one to just sit for hours, so he would go out on his little tours and then come back. After one such excursion, he returned with a khaki green t-shirt, upon which was written "Army Mom." I loved it!!! He found it at the USO booth, of all places!!! Now I can wear my "Army Mom" t-shirt and my Blaine Henry, U S Army dog tags!

Then it happened! My phone rang and luckily it wasn't while the Marine Harrier jet was taking off!!! I would never have heard it!

"Hi Mom! Where are you?" I told him I was at the airshow and asked in my own glib way, "why? where are you?" He laughed and responded "well, I'm at basic training!" He sounded like he was having the time of his life! He told me he loves it! Can you believe it? He loves it!!! He told me that the letters were great! He loves every one of them. He remembered me telling him that Val was in charge of our Facebook group and he took the time to write her a letter and give her the names of some of the guys who weren't getting letters from home. He is quite a young man...makes his mama proud, I tell ya!

I was all excited to hear from him and I told him all about my t-shirt that John had found for me. He told me that sounded nice, but he had a shirt for me with his picture on it! I can't wait to get that one!!!

He said he couldn't talk long. He was going to let his "battle buddy" use his phone to call his parents because he didn't bring his own phone along. What a guy! We texted a few times, got in our "I love you's" and now I just have to wait until next time.

Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to write to Blaine. Not only does it mean a lot to him, it means a lot to me that you would take time out of your day to think of my son.

Have I told you how proud I am of my soldier?

Missed Call

Every Sunday, I keep my phone close at hand, usually in the evening because that's when Blaine has called either his dad or me in the past. The battery is always fully charged, since the last time he called his mom, her phone was dead! Well, yesterday morning, my phone was on silent and in another room while I was editing some photos on the computer. John was taking a nap and his phone was in another room...I AM SO MAD AT MYSELF!!! I haven't gotten to speak to Blaine but once and he tried to call me yesterday. TWICE! He tried John's phone, TWICE! and neither of us heard our phone!!!

A little later on in the day, my mom called to let me know that she had talked to Blaine. He told her that he was getting yelled at a lot and having to do a lot of push-ups but he said he was prepared for all of that. He also told her he really likes it there! LOL That's my kid!

He also told asked his grandma to ask me to slow down the letter writing campaign. It wasn't that he didn't like getting the letters, it's that he was feeling a little guilty because he gets so many letters and there a lot of guys that don't get any mail at all. I left a message on his phone (hopefully he will get it) and told him to get me their names and maybe we could divert some of his letters to them. Again, that's my kid!

I will make sure that from now on, I have my phone on and with me and charged every day! I just hope I get the chance to talk to him soon!

And a huge Thank You to everyone who has written to Blaine. I know he appreciates it! I appreciate you all keeping him in your hearts!

Have I told you how proud I am of my soldier?!

My First Phone Call

He called me!!! He called me!!! Two and half weeks after I put my soldier on a plane, he finally called his mom!

We took our granddaughter to the zoo yesterday and I made sure I had my phone with me. I was really hoping, knowing it was Sunday, that today might be the day that he calls. The battery was about half, which should have been alright, however, on the way to the zoo, I got bombarded with text messages and it started eating up that battery. I was able to stop the messages and kept my phone close to me all day, but no call...

We arrived home around 8 pm, unloaded the car and got the baby settled in. We were watching TV, couldn't even tell you what was on, but all of the sudden John answers his phone and he looks up and says, "it's your son." I thought my heart was literally going to leap out of my chest! I was so excited, I grabbed the phone and told him I loved him. Before that moment, there were about 500 questions I wanted to ask, but right then, the only thing mattered was that I was actually talking to him. He said he mailed out his address and we should have it in about 3-4 days. I can't wait for that either!

He did say that he's been in reception this whole time. He was supposed to start basic on August 3, then August 10. Yesterday he said he was going to start today. I hope he does. It's just going to prolong things if not. He said they wouldn't be having a graduation from basic, however, I've come to find out from other sources that he will have some time to visit with family between basic and AIT and I'm hoping that I can go out for a couple of days to see him.

He said we'd have more information on graduation soon, but he thinks it will be somewhere around December 17...oh boy, is that ever a long way off!

In the meantime, I'm going to ride this wave of happiness, knowing that he's alright and he still loves me! Hopefully it will last long enough to get to the next phone call!

Have I told you how proud I am of my soldier?!

Ten Days

It has been ten days since I sent my son off to Uncle Sam's Army. Ten days without a text message, a phone call or a hug...he's called his dad again. He had told him he was supposed to start BCT (basic combat training) this past Monday, but now it's going to be next Monday. He said they would allow him to send home a card with his address within the first 3 days of BCT. I'm ready and waiting to send him the first of many cards.

I think about him every day. But today, I'm missing him a little more. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I don't have to work today so my mind isn't occupied with anything else. Maybe it's because I just read something written by a friend about being old and alone. Whatever the reason, I want to hear from him! He says to tell me that he just can't talk to me yet. What does that mean?! Another mom says it's because "we turn our boys to marshmallows." She said her son called and talked to his dad and not her at first.

Life goes on here as we enjoy what remains of our summer, people are getting their kids ready to go to school, ready to go to college. They get to go with them, check out their dorm room, help set things up. Their kids will be home on weekends or on break. They will call them or text them when they want to let them know what's going on, ask for money, share an anecdote from their day, even have an arguement. I hope that they appreciate every moment!

In the meantime, I'll just wait and hope that my soldier can finally call his mom because she really needs to hear from him.

Have I told you how proud I am of my soldier?!

No Contact

It has been three days now. Three days with no contact. I expected this. I knew this was the way it was going to be but you see, I'm used to my kids telling me everything. Whether I want to hear it or not! Blaine especially! I think Blaine likes to try to shock me. I think he sits around trying to come up with things to tell me that will make my already graying hair turn completely white! Well, so far, so good as most of you know. Of course, I can't blame him for all of my gray hair, he has an older sister, but that's a whole other blog...

I keep waiting for him to call me with some outrageous story....but the phone isn't ringing. Heck, right now I'd be happy to hear him tell me that the food is lousy and the bed is hard as a rock....but the phone isn't ringing. Being someone who usually keeps my phone close at hand, I've turned into someone glued to their phone. And when I don't have it in my pocket, I have the ringer turned up loud enough to compete with a roaring jet engine!

I hope that it will be soon, if even for just 5 minutes. It's nice to receive a text saying "I love you mom." But hearing it straight from their mouths is priceless...

Have I told you how proud I am of my soldier?!

One of the longest days of my life...

On Wednesday, July 29, I put my 18 year old son on a plane and sent him to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri.

The day actually started on Tuesday. I knew we were down to the wire and I wasn't about to miss one, single minute with Blaine. But I did. Blaine left for Columbus on Tuesday afternoon with his best friend and their respective girlfriends. The plan was for my husband and I to meet up with them and go to dinner. Then my dad wanted to go. Well, everybody got there before me. I was late getting out of work, the kids were hungry and didn't want to wait, my dad was there 30 minutes before us and my husband just couldn't drive fast enough to get me there! Dad convinced the kids to wait for dinner so we quickly checked into the hotel and headed to...Bob Evans. That's right, I said Bob Evans. The child could go just about anywhere he wanted and he picked BOB EVANS!!! It's alright, he couldn't eat anyway!

After dinner, we headed back to the hotel to visit with Blaine for a little while before he had to be back in his room. He was evidently getting tired of my tears and he informed me that I needed to "mom up!" Easier said than done...He had to be in his room by 11 pm and had a 4 am wake-up call. I made him promise to call me and wake me! I tried to go to bed. I lay awake thinking while my husband was snoring away. At about 12:30, I was texting my daughter, talking about her brother and finally forced myself to sleep a little after 1 a.m.

At 4:15 am, I woke up and sent him a text message..."did you forget something?" No response. Another text..."I don't see you at breakfast." No response. At 4:40 am, I received a reply..."I'm on my way." I had gotten up before he did! By 5 am, we could see him sitting down, again not eating, but tapping his foot up and down. He was nervous, but he wasn't about to let me know he was.

The bus took them to MEPS about 5:15, I finally was able to get back to sleep for a little while, but we were up and out of the hotel, on our way to MEPS by 7:45! So we could wait. Blaine was in a briefing when we got there, he came out, sat down and was immediately taken into another room.

As I looked around, I saw a lot of kids but very few families. I watched one young man walk into the room full of round tables filled with families and take a seat by himself. He looked around, obviously not seeing any familiar faces and then he made a phone call. I could only imagine what he must be feeling.

While we waited, I was trying to occupy my mind with other thoughts, but the tears just washed over me in waves. Then I'd chuckle to myself as I'd notice things like the fact that almost all the boys seemed to have the same haircut. Now, some of these kids had been up since 4 am and they were starting to show the signs...yawning, stretching, fidgeting. They all wore "stickers" with their names and a bar code and other cryptic information, they looked like overgrown kindergartners with notes pinned to their backs! More parents started to arrive, seemingly at the last minute.

Then Blaine came back out, this time, with a red paper in his hand. I knew what the red paper meant. It meant that he was going into one more briefing, then we would be called in to witness the swearing in. I was ready for it. I had my camera in hand, waiting near the door so that when they called, I could position myself for a really good photo of the whole thing. However, I was not prepared for what I saw...as I walked in, the double doors were opened to a room where approximately 20 young men stood at parade rest, thumbs crossed behind their backs in front of red curtains that reach from the ceiling to the floor, blue carpet and flags flanked the sides of the room. I stopped for a moment and the wave swept over me again. I caught my breath and was able to take a photo or two. They allowed us into the room to take photos and video the whole thing. The young lady that administered the oath was, ironically, from Ohio. She gave a great speech to the group about the importance of contact with your soldier. About care packages and showing your support. She then administered the oath, more tears, and the dismissed the new recruits so that they could sign their contracts.

At this point, we were instructed that at 10:30 am, we would all have to leave MEPS. There would be more instruction for our soldiers and they would meet us a the airport around noon. We were given directions to go to the airport and wait at the USO office. Now, I'm not a frequent flier, but I've never noticed a USO office at the airport. You can be sure I'll be looking for them from now on!

As we sat in the USO office, I looked around at the old photos on the wall. This is what I think of when I think USO. I could hear the Glenn Miller Orchestra playing Moonlight Serenade in my mind as I took in the photos from the WWII era. They had refreshments, games and classic game shows on the TV. A soldier arrived, apparently waiting for his plane to another destination. I chatted with another mother and then our kids started to arrive, excuse me, our soldiers started to arrive. Blaine informed us that his flight was scheduled for 3:45 pm.

One nice thing, they allowed us, all five of us, to accompany Blaine right to his gate. They issued passes at the ticket counter for each of us to get through security. Remind me to thank American Airlines for that!!! Airport security is a little different than I remember. I was a little apprehensive to pass my digital camera through their X-ray machine, but they assured me it would be fine. The biggest hang-up was with John's steel toed boots. Even though we explained to the "checker" that they were indeed steel toed boots, he felt it necessary to run them through again! LOL

We waited for what seemed like an eternity on his plane to arrive. You could tell that the waiting was getting to him. I got a few minutes to take him aside and tell him just how proud of him that I was, at least I tried to explain that while I was sobbing like a little girl. Blaine has always been one to memorize movie lines and interject them into a situation - today was no exception, today it was Fletch. The little boy in him came out and asked for Reese's Pieces and something to drink on the plane. The mom in me wanted to hold his hand. But, he's too busy holding hands with his girlfriend. That's an internal struggle...

Then, the plane arrived. NO! NOT YET! I'M NOT READY!!! He handed out the last hugs and kisses for a while and anxiously boarded his flight. All day, it had been rainy, overcast and cloudy. After we watched him disappear down the tunnel to the plane, I noticed that the sun had come out. That was a good sign, right? We stood, watching out the window as other passengers boarded the plane and they went through their pre-flight check..."Joey, do you like Gladiator movies..." I hear John say, it broke the mood and I must admit I laughed out loud.

We waited for the plane to taxi down the runway and disappear into the clouds....

I'm so proud of my soldier, but boy do I miss him

And so it begins...

(this was taken from a post that I made on June 7, the day after my son graduated)

Today was one of the toughest days so far. You see, my son graduated yesterday. It was a busy day with lots going on so I really didn't have all that much time to myself. But today was a different story...

Back in November, my son told me that he'd decided to join the Army. Now please, don't take anything that I am about to say to mean that I am not proud of him or that I don't want him to join the Army, instead this is all written from the viewpoint of a mom who has never been that far away from any of her children.

You see, up until this point, it's been this far off thing. He's not leaving until after he graduates. That was a while back. Now, he's graduated and I'm staring straight into the face of the fact that in a few short weeks, my son will be moving 900 miles from home and someone else will be looking after him. I won't be able to pick up the phone any time I want and just say "Hey! What are you doing?" Instead, I'll be wondering every day what he's doing. If he's happy. If he's sad. If he's lonely.

I've decided that I'm going to make sure he has a piece of mail in his hands every day! Just so he knows that we're all thinking of him every day. And I will be once again counting down the days until I will be able to see him again. Even if its only for a few days as he graduates from boot camp.

I know he'll change. This boy that I know will become a man under someone else's guidance. He will learn things that it's probably better that mom doesn't know that he knows. But every day I will wonder.

Is he getting enough to eat? Is he sleeping alright? Is he scared?

You see, I won't be able to sit by his bed while he sleeps and just listen to him breath like I did when he was little. I won't sit and cry and pray that God gives me the strength to get through the next day with this very busy little boy. Instead I will pray that he's not sad, or lonely or scared. But on those days or nights that he is, that God gives him the strength to get through the next day.

I will also look to my new friends, like yourselves, who are going through the very same things or those of you who have already been through these things.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. And little did I know what would happen on that day while on Facebook, I decided to look for other parents with children in the military and found this group. It could have been any group, but it was this one.

That I would make such fast friends with Val and Cindy who both have sons that are or were MP's. Which is completely ironic since my son is going to be an MP as well. That as we chatted back and forth, we would uncover so many similarities in our lives besides the bond we shared as military moms. I am so thankful for these women who have touched my life in so many ways already and my son hasn't even left the house.

So all you seasoned veterans out there, I'm gonna need you. I'm gonna need you tell me it's going to be OK. That I'll get through this. And after a while, when new people join us, I'll be there for them too. Maybe by then, I'll be OK.

God bless our children for the choices that they've made. I would love to hear from any of you at any time! Even if it's just to share a little of your own worries.

This is how it started...

Wow! Never thought I'd hear one of my kids tell me that. What do you do? You bite your lip, fake a smile and tell them how proud you are while your stomach is churning and you just want to scream, NO! You know it's something to be proud of but you just can't imagine the thought of your little boy, because that's what he is, dressed in that uniform putting his life on the line to protect our country.

Then you kind of chuckle. It's a nervous chuckle...wait a minute...my kid wants to protect this country? This is the same kid that leaves his underwear on the bathroom floor. The wet towel on the bed. The same kid that can't manage to get the candy wrapper, banana peel or dinner plate from his room to the kitchen and we're going to be counting on him to protect our country?! Oh yeah, the kid that has a come-back for everything, the kid that can quote a movie line at just the right moment from something he saw five years ago! Maybe I should stop feeling sorry for myself and start worrying about the Army!

This isn't what has my child gotten himself into, this is what has the Army gotten itself into!

But then, that mom thing takes over and you just want to cry. He's never been away from home for that long! But he says he's not worried about it. He says "I wasn't even nervous." Is that supposed to make me feel better? Then he tries to make me laugh. "Just think mom, 5 years of free haircuts." You laugh, then it hits you...did he just say FIVE YEARS?! He tells you don't worry, he'll write. Remember trying to get him to do thank you notes?! Yeah, he'll write. He may not, but I will.

Some days are good, some days aren't...He's still that little boy with the flat-top haircut and muscle man pose. Maybe that haircut was a glimpse at things to come. He's going to graduate and leave me. I'm selfish. I don't want him to go...